I don't want to say all this stuff to make you think that my child poops perfection, but to put in context the stark difference her dark side can emote. Just like every three-year-old child, a megaton bomb of a tantrum lies just beneath the surface. Without warning and any reasonable trigger, the child stands ready to destroy the world around them and then flop to the ground in boneless hysterics. And since the Princess displays a pleasant attitude 85% of the time, the roid-raged toddler only will come out when you let your guard down.
If you don't have kids, or you drank enough to forget age 2-4, then let me explain the art of the tantrum.
- Losing at Go Fish
- Winning at Go Fish
- Daddy taking the correct turn at Go Fish
- Mommy touching Legos after being asked to play Legos
- Opening a bag
- Closing a bag
- Suggesting that she eat apple sauce with lunch
- Spilling macaroni and cheese on the placemat
- Drinking milk
- Seeing the dog eat his dinner "the wrong way"
- Chosing the wrong pair of character underwear
- Daddy being Daddy
- Daddy not being Mommy
- Mommy going to work
- Mommy staying home from work
- The Congress' refusal to work together to pass a long term budget resolution...
- Cry uncontrollably
- Hit random people
- Kick the dog
- Try to kick a pillow, but miss, and fall onto the floor
- Make up words
- Wail in tongues
- Go boneless
- Leap halfway across the room in a single, spastic bound
- Go to an empty room, slam the door, and yell "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" at an earsplitting level
- Run into the wall
- Grab handfuls of random objects and throw them mightily
- Bury head into parent's shirt and refuse to come up for breath
- Recite pi to the 100th numeral
I believe if we treat three-year-olds like they're constantly inebriated with alcohol, then everything starts to make sense. Sure, it's "I love you, man" now, but after a while, the angry drunk will come out along with fist fights and peeing down the stairs. Of course, enough fits will also drive you to ol' Johnny Walker. I always wondered why my parents bought so much wine and left it untouched for months, then in a weekend -- POOF -- all gone. Now I know.
I could go on, but I have to go. Somebody's pillow is flufstopic -- whatever that means.
30 Days of Shameless Self Promotion progress:
- 156 page views in 24 hours. This is up by 82 from the day before! The highest page view count yet to date!
- 39 Facebook page likes and 28 Twitter followers. No change, but hopefully that will change soon.
- Picking the top 5-10 posts that I think define the blog and putting them on the side column. I've see others blogs do that...