I'm thinking if I write these thoughtoids down, then perhaps my mind will free itself so I can expound on my daughter's new-found skin sensitivities. Or how I want to move to Indianapolis. Or how my sister dressed me up like a girl and my elementary school principal thought I was a new student. But for today, here comes my list of nothing.
- I'm over the term "Man Cave" as a room filled with TVs and beer. Where is the Woman Plateau or the Dog Fjord? I just want equal time.
- Can we stop referring to "flat-screen televisions"? When was the last time you bought a tube television? You can call me on your push-button phone to tell me your answer.
- Dear Yahoo! News comment writer. If this story about Miley Cyrus wasted your time, why did you click the link? And read the article? And write a comment? And input the secret code to verify your humanness? I'm not sure your time is a valuable as you think.
- If you haven't caught Garfield minus Garfield yet, you should. Its a site "dedicated to removing Garfield from the comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle." Its genius.
- Last month in Meijer, the Princess told the Queen that "these are not the droids you're looking for." I was so proud I almost cried. Then the next day, she greeted her friend at school with an earsplitting "GENCON!" Sometimes its good to be a geek
- Play Doh should come out with a Star Wars Jabba the Hut set where you can make a Han Solo frozen in carbonite. They should also make a Harry Potter Pimp Goblet of Fire and a Breaking Bad home meth candy cooking set. You can order these products and more on your push-button phone.
- If every decision I make splits off into making another reality, then there is a dimension where I didn't just pick lint out of my belly button. That, sir, is not a place I ever want to live.
- After the Princess received a Disney fairy hair salon, a Doc McStuffins costume, 12 Disney princess figurines, a toddler Ariel doll, numerous Disney bags and a working model monorail set, I now realize that Disney serves as my Lord and Master. All hail Mickey!